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Son, it’s not appropriate for you to choose this career, what will people say, I haven’t toiled day and night for you to pursue music, it’s not a beneficial career path’… ‘Isn’t it high time you get married, you’re not going to stay young and beautiful forever, haven’t you seen the sea of young women, better start worrying and settle down or else you will miss the boat’….
And it never ends.. the same notions and taunts that every child has had to hear at some point growing up, on what we should be, rather than what we want to be. From birth, we are conditioned to imbibe and foster the values of our primary caregivers, our parents. The supremely perfect human beings that Allah has chosen. How lucky we are to be raised every day through the loving hands of parents. Let’s be honest, do we really ever know their value till we become parents ourselves? or in general, be thankful for the little things they did.
Throughout our lives, every step we take, and every word we utter is a reflection of our parenting and principles. Sure, you can reparent yourself through experiences, but there were two people, that single-handedly dedicated their whole life to you so you could be successful and hold your head high.
The sacrifices that parents go through are something that only Allah can give strength for. From nurturing you physically and emotionally, to inculcating habits, education, and making sure you are healthy is the sole responsibility that every parent willingly and happily takes on.
The beauty of parental love is that it’s the only form of love that is truly selfless, unconditional and forgiving. We have to earn love from the rest of the world. No matter what or who we become in life, it is a given that our parents will be there for us when everything is taken away. Our fall will be cradled with their protective hands.
Surah Israh ‘The Night Journey’ (Quran 17 verse 24) reads “My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small.” This is a Meccan chapter of 111 verses. God commands that you worship nothing but Him, and that you are kind to your parents. As they grow older, do not be impatient or harsh rather be humble towards them and pray that God treats them mercifully as they treated you when you were young. God knows exactly what is in your heart and He is most forgiving towards those who turn to Him in repentance.
That little child in us never grows up. Whether you’re 30 or 50, you will always have some resentment towards your parents for the critical remarks they made, the harsh tone in which it was uttered, and the manner in which they made you feel.. sometimes small, and unloved.
Those words till today still have the chillingly, haunting effect of piercing every time we are reminded of our shortcomings. Bad day at work, Boss made a snide comment, your spouse said something that took you back to the scolding you received by your mom, and the details all add up. That haunting voice echoes.. ‘I wish they never said that, they were right, it’s their fault I am like that…’ and the viscious cycle continues and permeates to other channels in our lives.
We, as human beings are born ungrateful, and it is through a series of repeated obstacles do we then, through careful reflection, turn to the Almighty, and bow our head for repentance and guidance to be granted. And sometimes, even then it’s a struggle.
But, if we just truly see the value of parents from a lense of love and non judgement, we will be humbled and saddened beyond measure. Two beautiful souls who came together, with their own default mechanisms, to birth you, a specimen of the Universe. With whatever knowledge, and upbringing they were privy to, they did their best. They fell in love through their sacrifices, the career that could have been thriving, the lost love that could have been rekindled, the jet setter lifestyle that came to a screeching halt.
After a certain stage in life you have to make peace with the trauma and realise, that you’re responsible as an individual. You have the power to reparent yourself, and give yourself to the One who created you. For He is your Eternal Parent. The gaps and defects that you feel you’re parents are responsible for, are a beautiful gateway to turn to the Almighty. For you are never alone. He gave you what was best for you, so you could, in turn, turn to Him.
The struggles, the addiction, the trauma, the detours, and failures which we on some level blame our parents for should be viewed as a blessing. It’s given by the Almighty so we can be fine tuned and moulded to the very person we are meant to be. The dream that He breathed onto us. The trenches and dips are the neatly canvassed architecture, if we choose to see it in that light. In it is masked our divine strength. If it wasn’t for those challenges, we would never be able to realise the beauty that we are capable of creating, and the impact our very existence has on our lives and our communities.
‘I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free. Every block of stone has a statue inside it and it is the task of the sculptor to discover it’- Michelangelo. Two stunning souls, chosen by Him, came together and birthed a child, they saw the angel in the marbel and helped the little child discover it by careful sculpting, diligent designing and eventually giving them the reigns to be the sculptors, the authors, and editors of their lives. It feels truly wonderful to know that in our corner we had pillars, helping us to diligently cut away at the heavy, burdensome excess that ultimately allowed the angel in the marble to emerge time and time again.
