Some parents take the meaning of the Quranic verse “And do not say anything to them” that the children have become forced and bound in front of them due to this verse. Therefore, they have got the right to treat their children as they want.
If in response to this treatment, they even say “ouch”, then God will snap their neck. It is true that children do not have the right to be abused, but where did you get to the conclusion that you have the right to treat your children arbitrarily or in any way? A big hand in creating this situation is also those ignorant clerics who say that “children are bound to obey their parents in everything except disbelief”.
Hearing this ignorance of the Moulvi, the father sitting in the mosque becomes more and more angry and torments the lives of his children. So the first thing is to understand that the Holy Quran did not only say that ” do not say anything in front of them”, but there is another sentence before that which is “If one or both of them reach old age in front of you, then do not even speak in front of them.”
What do you think Abu Ji? If you have a free license, why is this “Uff” command subject to your old age i-e retirement age? The matter is still not clear. Let’s look at the last two sentences of the verse together.
“If one or both of them reach old age in front of you, do not curse them, and do not rebuke them, and speak to them kindly.”
It is as if this verse is issuing three commandments to children:
- Do not swear in front of them
- Do not scold them
- Talk to them politely
When Almighty Allah command three things in one verse, it simply means that he has determined the entire “limit” of this decree. Now, let some free-licensed Abuji explain to us why this order is not included in the most important order of Allah that “and obey his every order”?
The copy-paste clerics of Pakistan and India have pasted two things below this verse in sequence. The first is that good conduct also includes obedience. The second thing is that the topic of good behavior towards parents is related to the topic of monotheism, so it also proved the greatness of parents. God, we do not deny the greatness of our parents. Only a wretch can deny this. But we don’t accept this wanton copy-pasting either.
We are calling it blatant copy-pasting because parents are also mentioned in verse 36 of Surah Nisa along with the topic of monotheism. And there are also parents, relatives, orphans, the needy, neighbours, people of the neighborhood, members of the assembly, travelers and slaves. We believe that this is a matter of “rights” and not of greatness. Otherwise, admit and show that when they were mentioned in connection with Tawheed, the greatness of all of them was also proved to be like that of their parents.
Another important thing is that in this verse, since the old age of the parents is not discussed, the command “Uff” is not seen here. This does not mean that parents can be discussed before old age. It should be avoided at all ages. But it is not possible that parents and children never have arguments while living in the same house. Therefore, Allah has put a full stop to the old age of the parents, so much so that it has been prohibited even “Uff”. In youth, strict parents even slap and kick back for misbehavior. In old age, they don’t have that strength.
Now let’s come to the copy-pasting of obedience. If it was necessary to obey everything the parents said except disbelief, then why did the Messenger of Allah, PBUH, annul the marriage of the girl whom the father had imposed his will on? If the boy or girl refuses the marriage, but the parents ask
“We accept, accept, accept”
So, will the marriage take place? The most important thing is that if the children are bound by every order except infidelity, then it means that the parents are “allowed” to give non-Sharia orders. And this order is obligatory, so has Allah made it “halal” for 95% of Muslims to issue non-Sharia i.e. haram orders in the case of fatherhood? A case of action on which can be that the father does not buy a bottle of alcohol himself, but asks his son. And thus, according to Tablighi philosophy, he is saved from sin.
In this regard, understand a few things well:
- Every sane adult is bound by the commands of Allah and His Messenger. If he obeys, he will be rewarded and if he violates, he will be punished. Even if he did not do this violation at Abuji’s request, Abuji also does not have the power to override the command of Allah and His Messenger ﷺ. Therefore, if someone says that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) forbade me to do such and such a thing, but I did it because the order of Abuji came, then this is the audacity of putting my father before the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ). Such a person should be ready for his end.
- Every sane adult person is “impeachable” in the court of Allah. And this impeachment is because Allah has transferred to him the full ownership and will of his life. If the will and authority of one’s parents could prevail over one’s will and authority, then every marriage that did not include the will of the parents would be invalid. Even in the marriage authorization, the condition is only “adulthood”, parents’ NOC is not included in the conditions.
- If a person divorces his wife only because of the order of his parents, then this person will give an account of this injustice on the Day of Resurrection. When the will of the parents can’t work in something like marriage, how can their order work in divorce, which is a bad thing. Girls are not a toy that parents throw away and bring another. These are living people. No one has the right to destroy someone’s life, even if it is not the father who ordered it. Try to prove it. But they forget that he was the head of the government and that the government has the authority to terminate the marriage.
- Parents should keep this in mind that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said:
Be aware that each one of you is a watcher and each one will be questioned about his or her subjects. So the Imam (head of the government) is the guardian of the people and he will be asked about his subjects. A man is the guardian of his household and will be questioned about his subjects, and a woman is the guardian of her husband’s household and his children and will be questioned about them, and a man’s slave is the guardian of his master’s property. And he will have a question about it. Be aware that each of you is a watcher and each will be questioned about his subjects. (Sahih Bukhari Hadith 7138)
It is clear from this tradition that parents will be asked about their children. An example of this argument is that it is narrated in Bukhari that Hazrat Numan bin Basheer (RA) said, “My father gave me a slave as a gift, and the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) asked him: ‘Did you give all the sons a slave as gift? My father answered no, so the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) ordered my father to take back the slave from me. Similarly, in another tradition, the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) described the behavior of discriminating among children as “cruelty”.
There is an age of children in which they are not wise adults. At this age, they are bound to their parents in all matters and parents are responsible for them. A possible situation is also that a child has become an adult but is mentally disabled. Even in this case parents are responsible for it, they have to account for any kind of negligence. While the order of the child is not impeachable due to mental disability. One case is that the children have become sane adults, and they have bound themselves to their parents according to family traditions, then even in this case the parents are responsible for them. If you can no longer bear this responsibility, tell your children to take their own path. There are two possible cases of encroachment:
The first case is that the children should be separated from themselves.
In the second case, the children should be allowed to stay at home, but they should be empowered in their life decisions and advised to consult with us before taking any big step. It will be good for you. Take the decision yourself but after consulting us.
Children should also understand one thing well. And that is that Shehbaz Sharif will be asked about us [people] because we have taken the identity card of Pakistan and have confessed that “We will be loyal to the state of Pakistan and its constitution” as if we have declared ourselves as the constitutional citizens of Pakistan.
It has been given in the subordination and responsibility of the ruler. And that is why we have the right to live, study, do business and build properties in Pakistan. So if you have given yourself under the command of your parents according to the Eastern traditions even after becoming a wise adult.
The first proof of which is that you have lived in their house, then you are bound by all their lawful orders. And it is their responsibility to see to your marriage at an appropriate age. If they are being negligent in this matter then the simple way is to leave their house and get separated and get married.
But you already know that we are two-in-one, that is, we are also clerics and journalists. So what we have written so far were the thoughts of the Moulvi sitting inside us. A cleric has no recipe for ending parental negligence in your marriage. So, we are entrusting this work to another person sitting inside us, the journalist. Journalist Musitullah Farooqi says that there are two ways to solve the marriage problem:
The first is to establish a continuity of phone calls while at home. And that too, as soon as the mother enters the room, pretend to cut the call saying “I ‘ll call you later”.
Mother looks at everything suspiciously, so she will be shocked but will keep quiet thinking that you might have been confiding in a friend. But when this movement is repeated a couple of times, Amanji’s ears will be active. She will begin the investigation in these words:
“Who is this with whom you are always flirting?” You didn’t trap any girl?”
You are doing full acting
“There is none, mother.”
Leaving the room as if you want to hide your theft. Now your complaint should go to Abaji. Thus, a wave of anxiety will spread in the house, which will result in your early marriage.
But if you are in a hurry, then it is more effective to start returning home at 11:12 PM instead of the evening. Parents will be surprised at this, but acting with “good faith” they will think that you stay with friends for a long time. Like every person, in your life too there will be that evil person who is called buddy.
Now let us come to the point which the copy-paster clerics did not bother to touch. And they directly say that complete obedience to parents is obligatory. In the matter of obedience, there are two types of orders that can come to a wise adult son from his parents. One whose compliance interferes with the legitimate rights of the son. For example, marriage, business, buying and selling, construction and installation etc. So, if the son obeys these orders, it is proof of his good fortune that he preferred the wishes of his parents over his own wishes.
But if he does not obey these orders, one can go against the order without committing misconduct. Parents cannot hinder their children from the legitimate rights given to them by Allah.
